<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>A Poor Heart That Never Rejoices by platinumtrickster</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25030057">A Poor Heart That Never Rejoices</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/platinumtrickster/pseuds/platinumtrickster'>platinumtrickster</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>See You in Another Life [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mother 3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Claus is Alive, Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:13:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,293</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25030057</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/platinumtrickster/pseuds/platinumtrickster</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Flint's desperate for a way to avoid his guilt about his sons, and Lighter just might be his way out.</p><p>  <i>(Post-Mother 3.  Claus is alive AU.)</i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>See You in Another Life [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1812517</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Poor Heart That Never Rejoices</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>While with the other parts of this series I have not felt the need to preface them, I would like to clarify some things for readers.  This fic takes place four years after Mother 3.  Since then, Nowhere Island has rebuilt Tazmily as well as built new towns to accommodate the new population of stranded New Porkers and spared Pigmasks.  This is not particularly relevant to the contents of this fic, but it <i>will</i> clear up a couple lines that have throwaway references to this.  I don't want to confuse anyone unnecessarily!</p><p>Please know that while the fic may present some very unhealthy approaches to dealing with trauma, even from those who are calling out other unhealthy approaches, that no one is right in this fic.</p><p>With all that said, please enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I- I think I could be a’ some use ta you,” Flint murmurs, wringing his hands absentmindedly, eyes cast down to his boots and the wooden floor.  “I mean, you remember from before how I can help.  I’m a real handyman, I can build anything y–”</p><p>“Flint, you don’t hafta convince me,” Lighter cuts in with a slight laugh to fight the awkwardness.  “You wanna work with me?  Then work with me.  I can always use more help.”</p><p>Flint jerks his head up to look to his friend genuinely for the first time in this conversation and a small, uncertain smile crosses his face.  There’s a brief dip of his head in nodding, and he offers out a rough hand to the other to shake.  “Thank ya.”  Lighter takes strong hold of it and shakes it heartily once and lets go.</p><p>“Don’t mention it.”</p><p>The old cowboy gets to his feet and pushes the chair in to the table, readjusting his hat and then vest, straightening it out.  “I just– I’m glad fer the chance– ‘cause, well, I felt like–”</p><p>“You don’t have t’ explain yourself, Flint.  I don’t care why you wanna help out.  I’m just glad you do!  At least I’ll get someone competent on the job with me!”  Lighter laughs again, more hearty this time.  “Bud ‘nd Lou are good fellas, hard workers, but boy, you gotta watch those fuckers!  Good ta have another pair of eyes that’s actually got somethin’ goin’ on behind ‘em.”</p><p>Lighter’s bright tone reassures Flint and he nods along to what the other says, the smile steadily growing.  “Yeah– yeah, I hear ya.  Well, I’ll do my best ta not disappoint ya.”</p><p>“You won’t.”</p><p>He hopes not.</p><p>There’s a weird sense of excitement in his chest as he walks home from Lighter’s house.  It’s cautious optimism and hope that this’ll be good for him.  He’s got to make his time worth <em>something</em>.  All that senseless wandering won’t do him much good.  At least he won’t feel as guilty if he’s doing something <em>productive</em>.  Maybe his kids won’t look so disappointed in him all the time, then.</p><p>Boney rushes over to Flint once he comes up the hill, and the man chuckles softly under his breath and runs a hand over his dog’s head before continuing along to the house, the lab trailing behind.  With one hand on the doorknob, he uses the other to gesture to Boney to get back.  “You can’t come in,” Flint reminds him gently.  Boney whines and sits, looking at him expectantly.  There’s a pause, then, “Oh, all right.  C’mon.”</p><p>Boney trots into the house behind Flint, tail wagging.  Claus and Lucas are at the table, talking among themselves, though stop once he walks in.  There’s always this uncertain glance cast his way whenever he comes home and it makes him feel uneasy.  They seem to consider who has to talk to him first, before Claus turns in his chair to better face Flint, greeting him first with a simple “Hey, dad.”</p><p>“Hey, kiddo.”  He reaches over and runs a hand over Claus’ hair.  He nods to Lucas.  “How’re y’all doin’?”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>“Yeah, good.”</p><p>Their voices overlap a bit in those replies and Flint gives them an awkward smile.  “Good.  Glad ta hear it.”  Flint moves towards the back of the house and sets his hat on the dresser, then stretches.  “I went ta see Lighter taday.”</p><p>“Oh, that’s nice,” Lucas replies in a tone that sounds so dry to Flint, though he’s obviously attempting to be friendly.  “How’s he doin’?”</p><p>“Uh… good.  Rilly good, far as I cin tell.  He, uh… we– I’m gonna get a job with’m.”</p><p>There’s a flash of surprise in both his children’s face.  “That’s cool,” Claus says with some optimism.  “Y’all gonna build stuff together?”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s sorta the plan.  Said there should be a job tomorrow, so… I guess that’s when I start.”  Flint leans against the dresser.  “I, uh… i- it should be good.  It’ll be good.”  He clears his throat.  “Just figured if I… have so much time ta spare… I may as well put it ta good use.  So… yeah.  I think I’ll git a lotta good out of it.”</p><p>“No, that’s… wonderful,” Lucas says with a slight smile.  “Good for you.  Do you need us t’ pack you anything, or…”</p><p>“Uhh, no– no, it’s awright.  I cin take care a’ everythin’ myself.”  Flint finishes his reassurance with a flimsy smile and nod.  Lucas shrugs with an “All right, if you’re sure,” and turns back to Claus.  Flint’s smile falters slightly and he averts his gaze away from his children.</p><p>Out of nowhere comes that feeling again.  That feeling of just being… <em>stupid</em> for having said anything, innocuous as it may be.  Stupid and ashamed.  He’s not even sure where it comes from, but he can sense those kids’ disdain for him, even when they’re trying to be supportive.  Boney nestles himself besides Flint and distracts him from that thought.  He rests a hand on Boney’s neck in return.  There’s a pause to think before looking back to the twins and he steps past them.  “I think I’m gon’ take a quick walk, actually.  It’s a nice day out–”</p><p>Claus starts to get out of his seat.  “Can I come?”</p><p>But Flint nudges him back into his seat.  “Nah, you’re fine.  I just need a- a quick breather.  I’ll be back soon.”</p><hr/><p>Of course, that’s a lie and he shows up at home late again, if only to ignore those judgmental stares so he can get some sleep– <em>hopefully</em>, but he’s never good at sleeping well when he’s anticipating something like this.  That night is spent mostly staring up a darkened ceiling in silence till the light meanders in again and Flint calls that <em>good enough </em>to get up and get dressed for this.  Lighter probably will be up soon enough; he’s always been an early riser like Flint.  He’ll appreciate the company– won’t he?</p><p>It’s not really considered whether he will or not before Flint is trudging out of the house, casting one last brief glance towards both his sleeping children, then shutting the door.  Boney exhaustedly raises his head for a split second before dropping it back to the ground.  That’s a good indication that it’s too early to be awake– <em>trust him, Flint feels that way too</em>.  And so he’s off wandering into the woods to meet Lighter at his house.</p><p>He spends a long moment with his knuckles hovering just above the door, fingers loosely curled in anticipation of a knock.  His mind races about all the reasons he <em>shouldn’t</em> knock till Lighter just flings the door open all on his own.  Flint jumps near-out of his skin, stepping back, then plays it off by smoothing out his clothes a bit.  Lighter flashes his friend a wry grin and gestures with his head for Flint to come in.</p><p>“How’d you know it was me?” Flint asks in a weak but attempted playful tone.</p><p>“I seen you standin’ out there near five minutes, man!  I was watchin’ you through the window.  What were you <em>doin’</em>?  Y’ that tired?”</p><p>Flint chuckles softly and then plucks his hat off of his head to run his free hand over thinning hair.  “I guess I am.  I didn’t, uh… I didn’t rilly sleep.”</p><p>“Damn, you that excited about this?  Jeez, didn’t expect givin’ you a job was gon’ be like Christmas for ya.  I would’a reconsidered my offer–”  He laughs and pats Flint’s shoulder before gripping it.  “I’m kiddin’.  I need the help.  People always askin’ for more buildin’s ta be built, so we gotta give the people what they want!  Ahh, we gotta run up to Dragonfoot and start on a new house.  Pretty easy shit, man.  We can handle it.”</p><p>Flint nods.  “Yeah, yeah– a’ course–”</p><p>“But first, you need <em>coffee</em>, boy.  Can’t have you freakin’ out the customers by standin’ around like a zombie.  Try not to scare anybody on day one, awright?”</p><p>“Y- Yeah.”</p><p>It’s not just coffee but plain scrambled eggs and bacon that are set before Flint at Lighter’s dining table, and Lighter joins him on the opposite side.  As hungry as he is, Flint eyes the food precariously.  “Ya didn’t have t’–”</p><p>Lighter raises a hand to silence Flint, dismissing that comment before it’s even a finished thought.  “Don’t even worry ‘bout it, Flint.  Ain’t nothin’.  Consider it part o’ yer payment for workin’ since I don’t got much ta offer otherwise.”</p><p>“You know I don’t need no payment.  But I appreciate it… sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t know why you’re apologizin’, but as I told ya, iss fine.”</p><p>Flint isn’t precisely sure either, so he doesn’t respond, just merely starts to eat what he’s been given.  He can’t even remember the last time he actually had breakfast, so it’s… nice.  The only thing to break up the silence is the sudden sound of footsteps overhead, and soon descending down the steps is Fuel, still in pajamas.</p><p>“Hey, kiddo.  We wake you up?” Lighter asks.</p><p>“Naw, you’re fine.  I was up…” Fuel steps over by the stove and rummages from what’s left of breakfast.  “How’re you, Mr. Flint?”</p><p>“Oh– uh– good.  Yeah.  I… haven’t seen you in a while, huh?  How you been?”</p><p>“Well, you ain’t seen him ‘cause he don’t wanna work for his old man,” Lighter teases.  “He likes workin’ with those pritty girls, huh–”</p><p>“Hey!  I just like baking!  Give me a <em>break</em>,” Fuel retorts, rolling his eyes as he sets his plates down on the table to join them.  “I spend ‘nough time buildin’ with ya outside o’ work already.”</p><p>Lighter throws up his arms in mock offense.  “Aw!  Unbelievable.  My <em>own son</em> dudn’t wanna spend time with me.  Can you believe this, Flint?  Do <em>your </em>boys disrespect ya like this?”</p><p>Flint pauses to finish chewing and swallows, takes a little more time to think on it.  Well, they don’t really spend time with each other at all, but that’s not for lack of interest when it comes to Claus, really… there just isn’t a lot of time for them <em>to</em> be spending together that would be worth anything to his son anyways.  All they ever really end up talking about is the farm or something else totally banal, though he can tell something else is usually on Claus’ mind whenever they do talk.  It’s just… weird.</p><p>With Lucas… he has no clue how to talk to Lucas at all, if he’s being honest.  There’s obviously something between them unsaid, but he’s not even sure if he wants to know what it is, really, though he can certainly guess.  Those boys are both obviously trying to put some kind of effort in, but something just isn’t there.  And Flint knows it’s <em>him</em>, but what, exactly, is holding him back from a closer connection to his boys is impossible to say.  He doesn’t even know where to begin to make himself seem appealing to either of them.</p><p>He doesn’t even know <em>why</em> Claus is so desperate to be with him at all.  He just isn’t what he used to be.</p><p>But he’s overthinking this question, definitely, so after a moment of thought, Flint just shrugs.  “I, uh… can’t say they rilly do, no.  They’re good kids.”</p><p>“Gee, ain’t you the lucky one.”  Lighter snorts.  “When they both end up givin’ ya some teenage rebellion, let me know, awright?  It’s gon’ happen eventually, trust me.”</p><p>Flint attempts a laugh and just redirects his attention back to his food and starts to eat again.  Fuel breaks the silence quickly after to ask, “Hey, how <em>is</em> Claus anyways?”</p><p>“He’s fine.”  Flint’s tone indicates that he’s not even sure why they’re asking.  He’s <em>fine</em>, far as he knows.  No meltdowns or suicide attempts in quite a long time as far as he knew, so that’s plenty good for him.</p><p>“You know, he never come around here no more.  He ain’t really talked to Fuel much like they used ta before the whole… uh, ya know.  They talk if they see each other in town but he don’t come by the house.”</p><p>“He don’t talk t’ me either unless I talk t’ him first,” Fuel adds.</p><p>“I noticed that.  Don’t he like Fuel anymore?” Lighter looks to Flint.</p><p>Flint’s lips part like he wants to respond, but he really has no answer for his friend or Fuel.  He asked Claus about Fuel a while ago– how long ago was it again?– but Claus has always been so <em>skittish</em> about answering questions like that, he just seemed to dance around whatever was the matter between them.  Claus’ own answer to the same question of why he didn’t spend time with Fuel anymore was just an “<em>I dunno</em>,” and some vague suggestion of it being “weird” between them now.</p><p>Maybe he’d know if he’d pressed more, but he never knows what he should try to get from Claus and what to just let go.  So now he’s scrambling for some kind of answer and nothing is coming, so he just vaguely gestures and mumbles, “I– I dunno, actually.”</p><p>Lighter frowns and glances down for a second before looking back to Flint.  “Sorry, that wudn’t a fair question ta ask ya at all.  Claus pro’ly has his reasons, ‘n’ you can’t tell us what they are.  I just hate ta think those boys ain’t friends no more over somethin’ little they can fix with a li’l talkin’.  Maybe if he’s feelin’ up to it… he can come over ‘n’ have dinner sometime?”</p><p>“Aw, dad, don’t push it,” Fuel mumbles.  “It’s awright if he don’t–”</p><p>“Naw, naw, he’d– Claus would like that, pro’ly.  Actually.  Uh.  Maybe all they need is a push in the right direction, ya know?  Um.  I’ll- I’ll talk to ‘im when I git home an’ see what he thinks.”</p><p>“Uh– okay.  Thanks, Mr. Flint.”  Fuel smiles, which Flint awkwardly returns with a slight nod.</p><p>After that, the table finally goes silent for good till the meal is over, aside from a few comments here and there from Lighter and Fuel of no real significance.  Flint is relieved to just be able to blend into the background for a little while longer until they’re all finally done.  He helps clear the table of its plates and cups and sets them in the sink.</p><p>Lighter stretches when he stands up, yawning as he does.  “Awright.  We’ll head out in a second here.  Figure we can get a good head start before Bud ‘n’ Lou show up.”</p><p>A nod from Flint, and after a couple minutes more, they’re stepping outside, Lighter hauling a box of his tools out with him.  Dragonfoot is a good half an hour walk from Lighter’s house, but that’s not all too bad.  Now that he thinks about it… Flint has never actually <em>been</em> to any of these other towns before.</p><p>That day is relatively uneventful; it’s just building and some mindless chatter between Lighter, Bud, and Lou, with Flint listening in as he works.  He’s just not talkative, especially not when he’s working, but it’s sort of… refreshing to have the company.  This is something he could get used to, being productive, accomplishing something of <em>real</em> worth…</p><hr/><p>“So are you just gonna leave the farm to your kids to take care of, or…” Lighter asks as they head back home for the day.  “I figured you were pretty busy.  It honestly surprised me when you said you wanted ta come work with me ‘cause o’ that.”</p><p>“No, I… uh.  Yeah, they can handle it.  It ain’t too hard to take care o’ a few sheep.  I trust ‘em.”</p><p>“Yeah, since they’re older now, I s’pose they pro’ly do just fine.”  Slight laugh.  “Just hard to not imagine those boys as little kids, ya know?  Fuel too.  When the hell did all these kids grow up?”</p><p>Lighter shakes his head in disbelief.  Flint nods slowly in return, looking down at his feet.  “Yeah… where did the time go?” he murmurs.</p><p>“I dunno, man.  I just know the only reason I cin remember that any of these boys is older is ‘cause they all wound up so <em>tall</em>, your boys especially.  Not as tall as you, o’ course, but still taller than I was expectin’ them to wind up bein’.  Shit, they almost as tall as me now!”  A louder laugh from Lighter comes then as they finally reach the fork in the forest by his and Fuel’s house, stopping there.  “Awright, well… I’ll see ya later, okay?  Don’t forget ta tell Claus we wanna see ‘im!  Tell him ta stop hidin’.”  He grins.</p><p>Flint nods.  “Will do… I’ll let you know what he thinks.”</p><p>And they say their goodbyes, but for a second, Flint dawdles at that same spot they stopped at, watching his best friend walk off towards home, before he turns away to head back through Tazmily.  He starts to reconsider the idea of going over to Lighter’s house with Claus, and by the time he gets home, he suddenly finds himself once again with nothing to say at all.</p><p>It only comes up again when Lighter asks him the next time they meet up.  “Did’ja ask Claus about comin’ over?” Lighter reminds Flint, glancing over to him as he’s holding a piece of wood in place so the other can cut it.  “Fuel was actin’ all shy about it the other day, but he’s actually seemin’ pretty excited ‘n’ optimistic about it now.”</p><p>Flint’s stomach drops at the question.  Of course he didn’t ask, he kept overthinking it until he decided wholly against it.  Claus would probably be uncomfortable with it, after all.  If so much time has passed without him reconnecting with Fuel, then it’s clear his son has made his decision on that relationship.  Although Flint realizes Claus may just be too shy as well, he still wouldn’t want to put his son through anything uncomfortable… he knows how awkward and anxious Claus gets in social situations.</p><p>There’s a vague shrug as Flint reaches up to scratch his neck.  “Aw, y’know, it slipped ma mind.  I- I’ll try ‘n’ remember when I get home.  I was just so doggone tired… so… you know.”  An apologetic smile is offered towards Lighter, hoping that’s the end of it.  And it is– for a period.</p><p>Until he asks again.</p><p>And Flint’s conveniently forgotten again.</p><p>And that keeps going for a few times over– and really, Flint was beginning to really forget about it, if only because he never planned to really ask Claus in the first place.  He feels sorry for it, but he’s so certain Claus will say no that he doesn’t even want to ask.  Besides, in kind of a shitty way… Lighter’s house is a comfortable place for Flint to be without feeling too much out of place, too much of a nuisance.  It’s <em>his</em>… even if it shouldn’t be, and he knows it.  Lighter doesn’t seem to mind it, at least… maybe it’s because the two had drifted apart for so long.</p><p>Sure, they talked from time to time relatively consistently before– they were best friends, after all.  Lighter was the only person in town that didn’t abandon him in a time of need… he was a good friend.  <em>Maybe Claus should have a friend like that, too</em>… maybe he should have asked– but it’s probably too late now.  It’s always hard to talk to Claus; he always looks so fucking sad when he looks at Flint and then he suddenly can’t find the strength to talk.</p><p>A coward could never get such a <em>simple</em> task done.  It’s another day a week or so later when Lighter tells him, “Oh, so I saw yer boy yesterday.  Claus, not Luke.  Figured you pro’ly<em> forgot again</em>–” his friend’s tone is light and teasing, but it just hurts Flint more than anything else– “so I asked ‘im if he wanted ta come over myself.  He said yeah.  I told ‘im I’d ask you if you wanted ta come, too… ‘n’ I asked him ta ask Lucas, but he wudn’t sure if he’d have the time.  But what ‘bout you?  You wanna come along?”</p><p>Flint’s mouth parts to speak but his brain is still formulating a response.  So Claus really wanted to go…?  Shit.  He should have asked, he <em>knew</em> he should have asked–</p><p>“Flint?”</p><p>That snaps him back to reality.  “Uh– sorry.  Yeah, I do.”</p><p>“Great!  How’s tomorrow for you?  Don’t wanna spring it on ya and make it taday or anything.”</p><p>“Tomorrow’s fine, yeah…”</p><p>May as well get it over with; he wants to be optimistic about it, but… well, he’s just foreseeing this ending up awkward and uncomfortable for everybody involved.  If Claus agreed to it, then maybe he’s optimistic, too… here was hoping.</p><hr/><p>When he gets home, Claus is there by himself.  <em>Here we go</em>… they need to talk it over and Flint needs to justify himself for not remembering to ask.  He’s assumed that Lighter told Claus that he’d been meaning to do it, anyhow… even if it was a harmless statement, he must look like a real asshole.  Claus eyes him anxiously as Flint approaches.</p><p>“So, uh… how you today?” Flint starts with an attempt at a friendly tone.</p><p>“Fine… did Mr. Lighter tell you about–”</p><p>“Yeah- yeah, he did.  I figured it’d be nice for me ta come with.  Believe it or not, Lighter’s actually a pretty good cook.  You know, I wouldn’t wanna miss out…”  Flint pauses to clear his throat.  “Uh, is Lucas–”</p><p>“No… I don’t think he wants ta go.”  Shame, but… unsurprising.  Flint frowns at that, and Claus immediately murmurs, “Sorry…”</p><p>“Naw, it’s fine– he don’t have to.  He was never rilly friends with Fuel as much as you were.  I’m sure he’s got sum’n more important t’ do anyways… uh. Sorry, I think I kept meanin’ ta ask you if you wanted ta go over, but it kept slippin’ my mind.  This job, it’s– it–”</p><p>“It’s fine.  I know you’re busy.”  That sounds like Claus trying to convince himself that that was why more than anything else.  “…You don’t have to come with if you don’t want.”</p><p>There’s a feeling in Flint’s stomach of dropping, an anxiety forming in the pit of it.  No, he doesn’t want it to seem like he’s not interested.  He would… perhaps <em>prefer</em> not to go, but he certainly feels an obligation to, and he can’t back out of it now.  “No, no– I wanna go.  I think it’ll be fun.”  Claus is silent, not responding, keeping his eye averted from Flint, studying the floor, hugging himself.  “Promise.  I wouldn’t go if I didn’t want to.”</p><p>Claus finally responds with a soft, uncertain, “Okay… sorry.  It’s just…”  His voice trails off, and his son is obviously searching for words without crying.  But Flint can tell he’s just about to break down, and it makes him freeze.  It’s been such a long time since he’s dealt with this, and he doesn’t know <em>how</em> to deal with it, but it’s clear he’s already upset Claus somehow– he doesn’t even know how, but of course he did.</p><p>“I- It’s okay if you don’… don’t like bein’ around me–”</p><p>The thought of Claus crying because of him makes his fucking skin crawl.  <em>It’s not Claus’ fault… </em>it’s just him being shitty.  Flint shakes his head and quickly pulls Claus into a hug.  “No, hey– you didn’t do nothin’,” he insists somewhat frantically, a desperate need to fix this as quickly as possible.  After the hug, he puts Claus at arm’s length, cupping the sides of his face.  “Of course I like bein’ around you, Claus.  You’re my son, ain’t you?  I always wanna be around you.”</p><p>“Then why don’t you– y-you never–”</p><p>“It ain’t you, Claus,” Flint reiterates without letting his son finish his thought.  “It’s me, okay?  It’s- it’s my fault.”  It feels cringe-inducing to leave it on that note, so he hastily adds to avoid focus on what he’s just admitted by saying, “Tomorrow is gonna be good, awright?  You ‘n’ me get t’ spend some time together.  Just think ‘bout… ‘bout that.”</p><p>Claus seems to think on it, but he doesn’t seem to feel any better.  Still, it seems like his son’s given up on the conversation for now.  “I guess you’re right…”  He squirms his way out of Flint’s hold.  “I’m gonna go take a walk… I need some air.”  And then he’s quickly heading towards the door and is gone.</p><p>Flint lets it go, standing in his same spot in the house, watching his son make his escape from the situation.  Under his breath, he mumbles, “<em>Fuck</em>.”</p><p>It hurts, because Claus is right– not for the reason he thinks, but… Flint just knows he isn’t wanted around here.  They’d be better off without him, and he’s sure they’re happier without him, too.  Claus’ll learn better sooner or later that Flint just isn’t worth his time anymore.</p><p>
  <em>Well, tomorrow will be fun.</em>
</p><hr/><p>The next morning Claus is apologizing for freaking out over “nothing,” and no matter how many times Flint reassures him, he always looks so pathetically apologetic over something he was rightfully upset about.  It’s not helping Flint feel any better about going over to Lighter’s house for this– the self-loathing setting in earlier than usual.  But he’s trying to push it out of his mind, just as Claus is obviously trying to mentally prepare himself for tonight, too.</p><p>By the time they’re leaving, both are too awkward to even really carry a consistent conversation, instead creating pockets of small, quickly cut-off conversations on and off as they walk towards Lighter and Fuel’s house.  Flint continues to remind himself that this is going to, or rather is <em>supposed to</em>, be good for the both of them, but he still keeps getting this bad feeling about it.</p><p>When they reach the house, Fuel and Lighter are sitting out on their porch and stand to greet the two coming up.  Fuel looks a bit nervous too, but nowhere near as much as Claus is.  He smiles, seeming to struggle with an idea of what to say to Flint or Claus, so Lighter pipes up first.  He extends out a friendly hand, which Flint shakes.</p><p>“Glad y’all could come by!”  He turns his gaze to Claus.  “Good to see ya, son.”</p><p>There’s a soft, awkward laugh in response from Claus.  The ginger seems more focused on Fuel– and of course he is.  They were such good friends before… how much of that did Claus remember, actually?  Seems like enough for him to put in the effort to come and do this despite how reluctant his son often is to be social, especially with those he formerly got along with.</p><p>Fuel gives Claus a nod.  “Yeah, it’s cool we can hang out, man.”</p><p>“Y- Yeah,” is Claus’s short and nervous reply.</p><p>Lighter then gestures for everyone to come inside, stepping towards the door to hold it open for Fuel and their two guests.  The four step inside as Lighter shuts the door behind him.  When Flint looks to him, it’s so apparent that his best friend is <em>so comfortable</em> right now compared to everybody else, even his own son.  It’s weird, but maybe that’s just from the perspective of a man who’s never truly comfortable no matter where he is.  Lighter has always had such confidence in every situation.  That’s why they always got along, after all.  Flint was much of the same before… and now, it was strange to think that he <em>had</em> been like that in the past.</p><p>Regardless, that confidence and unconcern radiating from Lighter is kind of reassuring in its own way.  He has no worry that this’ll go badly at all– and if he does, it doesn’t show.  It might help put Claus at ease.  The boy’s always so nervous  and shy around people, but perhaps being around someone who’s clearly happy to have him here could help him settle in and relax.  This is supposed to be good for Claus, so he can speak with a good friend both Lighter and Flint agree he should reconnect with.</p><p>Flint takes a deep breath for himself.  He’s worked himself up over this unnecessarily… he just needs to tell himself that, and perhaps everything <em>will</em> turn out all right.  Lighter walks to his stove, which already has pans on for dinner.  He stokes the fire as he says, “Been lookin’ forward ta this.  I love cookin’ fer friends.”  He glances over to Flint.  “But you <em>know</em> this means you oughta have me ‘n’ Fuel back at yer house as payment.”  Laughs.</p><p>Both Flint and Claus laugh a touch in reply.  “You don’t rilly wanna try dad’s cookin’,” Claus replies.  “He ain’t really too good at it.”  The tone is awkward and soft, but there’s an attempted friendliness.</p><p>Lighter’s laugh becomes louder at that reply.  “Awww, you’re right.  I don’t wanna git poisoned on accident or somethin’.”</p><p>Flint mimes mock offense with a hand placed on his chest.  “Hey, that’s not nice… I try ma best.”</p><p>“Dad, there’s a reason Luc cooks most a’ the time, and it’s ‘cause we’d both pro’ly end up burnin’ down the house or poisonin’ ourselves by tryin’ ta cook.”</p><p>“Ha!  Y’all’d starve without Lucas.  I tell you, that boy’s got a gift with cookin’… would’a loved if he’d come too, because <em>maybe someone</em> around here would actually help me!”</p><p>Fuel jumps in to the conversation now.  “Hey!  You never <em>let</em> me help!”</p><p>Lighter snorts.  “Yeah, ‘cause ya somehow manage ta burn every damn thing you make while it’s still raw on the inside!  You’re alright at bakin’, but boy, you can’t cook for the life o’ ya!”</p><p>Flint thinks it over for a moment, before approaching the stove.  “Here, maybe I cin help ya with somethin’…”  Even though he’s not the best cook, he could help prep or watch something, at least.  He may be a guest, but he’d feel guilty leaving Lighter to handle everything.</p><p>“Finally, someone with some heart around here.”</p><p>Fuel nudges Claus.  “C’mon, Claus, let’s go sit out on the porch or somethin’.”</p><p>Lighter nods and waves his hand to dismiss them.  “Yeah, you boys get the hell outta here while we’re cookin’.  We don’t need you hoverin’ around.”</p><p>The two boys step outside then, leaving Lighter and Flint alone to deal with dinner.  Outside the front window, he can see the two sitting on the porch floor and talking.  It’s a relief to see them together again… he hopes this works out well for the both of them.  He eventually turns his attention back to Lighter after staring out for a good moment or two.</p><p>“So, uh… what can I help ya with?”</p><p>“Aw, I was just kiddin’.  I don’t need no help.  Especially with them boys out of my hair for now, I cin focus just fine.”  Lighter points to the table.  “Gwan, take a seat, son.  You my guest, I ain’t gonna ask ya to help me.  I cin handle a lot more than cookin’ a li’l dinner.”</p><p>Flint reluctantly takes his seat.  He knows Lighter would refuse any help if he insisted, considering how much he obsessed over the idea of relying on himself.  He never knows when to quit, that one, so he may as well take the time to relax and chat.  He takes off his hat and sets it on the table, resting his hands in his lap, legs crossed.  His foot bounces somewhat anxiously, but… he’s feeling okay for right now.</p><p>Lighter stands focused at his stove.  “I’m real glad Claus agreed to come over,” he says.  “I really didn’t think he was gonna say yes.  He seems like a… a real nervous kid now.  Shit, he looked like a scared little deer when Fuel started talkin’ to’m.”</p><p>“Yeah… he’s tryin’ hard ta get back ta bein’ normal, but I think it’s tough… especially when there’s a lot that ain’t the same no more, I guess.”</p><p>“I don’t want it ta seem like I’m judgin’ him or nothin’.  Claus is a good kid.  I think ya just need ta push him more ta try ‘n’ get outta his comfort zone or somethin’.  He’s too sensitive fer a world like this.  People are gonna eat him alive, and he don’t deserve that, but that’s how it is… and you know, I think part o’ you wanted to forget about askin’ Claus about this because you were scared o’ upsettin’ him.  Am I wrong?”</p><p>Flint hesitates to answer before he provides an unhappy nod.  Lighter got closer to the root of the issue than he thought he would.  He’s probably right about all that he said, but how is he supposed to help when he himself is so damn fragile, too?  Maybe they could try and improve together, but… he’s not sure there’s much Claus could learn from him now.</p><p>Lighter hums, clearly satisfied with himself for being right.  “You can’t fool me, man.  Look, I get it.  It’s hard dealin’ with a kid who’s… uh… I dunno how to say it right.  But you know what I mean.”</p><p>“…yeah.”</p><p>“Sorry, maybe we shouldn’t talk about this now.  I always gotta share my two cents, don’t I?  Well, I think Fuel could be a good influence on him if they start hangin’ around each other again.  An’ I hope they do, honestly.  I missed seein’ that little fucker’s face around here.”</p><p>There’s a soft exhale of a laugh from Flint.  Yeah, it’s nice to see the two together now; he hopes it’s a change for the better, even if he has his doubts.  “Yeah.  I hope so too.  Claus needs a good friend like Fuel.”</p><p>From there, the conversation meanders off into small talk until dinner is ready, and the two boys come back inside.  Flint feels a touch more at ease than when they’d come in– and Claus seems to feel the same, though not by much.  Perhaps he’s just shy around Lighter more than anything else, but who knew.  For now, though, things were going better than expected for Flint.</p><p>“How is Lucas doin’, Mr. Flint?” Fuel asks.  “It’s a shame he couldn’t come.”</p><p>“He’s doin’ well, I think,” Flint replies, of course trying to ignore the mention that the blond didn’t come along.  Although he didn’t talk to his son about it, he was certain why Lucas had refused to come along.</p><p>“That’s good.  I see ‘im around a lot but we don’t talk a lot.  We should more– you should tell him to come over sometime!”</p><p>Flint nods, casting a brief sideways glance towards Claus.  “Yeah, we’ll mention it ta him…”</p><p>Lighter gestures with his fork towards Flint.  “Why didn’t he come, actually?  He busy or somethin’?”</p><p>Flint pauses, unsure of how to respond.  It’s not that he was <em>busy</em>, he obviously just didn’t want to come along.  And who could blame him, really?  Him spending a miserable, awkward night with his dad wouldn’t be enjoyable at all.  There’s a jolt of anxiety that runs through him.  He doesn’t want to admit that Lucas didn’t want to come because of <em>him</em>, obviously…</p><p>“He– you know, he, uh–”</p><p>“He didn’t wanna come,” comes Claus’ quiet voice.  He sounds a bit unhappy about it himself.  He probably wanted Lucas to come along, all things considered.</p><p>Lighter blinks.  “Really?  Whaaat, is he mad at us or somethin’?”</p><p>Claus opens his mouth to speak, but Flint holds up a hand so he can explain.  “You know, I don’t think he’s been feelin’ well the past couple of days.  He ain’t sick, but maybe he’s just feelin’ off.”  A lie, but a relatively harmless one.</p><p>His friend appears satisfied with this answer, though Claus has an expression on his face that indicates how unhappy he is with the explanation.  Because of that, Flint can feel a settling tension at the table.  He wants to bury it, and quick, but he can’t think of something interesting to say at all.  God, he’s bad at conversation…</p><p>And so, for some reason, he just keeps going, keeps explaining himself instead out of nervousness, the pace of his speech quickening out of nervousness.</p><p>“So if he wudn’t feelin’ up ta comin’, I wudn’t gonna make him.  I wish he would’a come, but… oh well.  Maybe another time.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s fine,” Lighter says with a tone that indicates that he doesn’t need Flint to explain himself anymore, and suddenly he feels stupid again for even speaking.</p><p>His eyes drift down to focus completely on his plate, fingers brushing the surface of the table anxiously.  A silence falls on the table for a few long, awkward moments.  A quick glance stealing around the table shows Claus keeping his eye averted too, a soft frown formed on his face.  There’s a sigh from Lighter, before his tone picks up to its cheery sound again.</p><p>“So, Claus, yer dad told me you ‘n’ Lucas are pritty much in charge o’ the farm now.”</p><p>Claus looks up towards Lighter, still too shy to look too directly at him.  “Oh… yeah.”</p><p>“How’s that goin’?  Seems like a pretty big responsibility.”</p><p>“It’s fine… the sheep are pretty easy ta take care of.”</p><p>“The one thing they had t’ work at was the shearin’,” Flint explains, voice initially much too quiet, then clearing his voice before he continues, “but they both got pretty good at it.”</p><p>"Hey, that’s nice.  It’s good ta have a skill like that, ‘specially when yer ol’ dad can’t help out ‘cause he’s too busy helpin’ out with my job.  You know– if ya ever get bored o’ that sheep business, you can come help us sometime.  I ain’t got much ta offer ya but experience and a few bucks, but it might be a nice change o’ pace.  Plus, you get ta hang out with the two coolest guys in the world.”  Lighter playfully nudges Flint while grinning towards Claus.</p><p>“I dunno if he’d like that,” Flint hastily replies– he’s not even sure why.  It’s not like <em>he’d</em> know.  And he regrets it once he says it, because it’s such a weird assumption to make, and he knows he shouldn’t have shut it down without Claus’ input.  But the only explanation in his brain is that, somehow, this construction job with Lighter is <em>Flint’s</em> space, and Flint’s space alone.  <em>That’s a selfish thing to think</em>… Claus is going to think Flint truly doesn’t want him around, after he already hardly convinced his son otherwise.</p><p>Claus looks towards Flint before looking away, and Flint can see he’s hurt his son’s feelings then.  A feeling of self-hate sinks in as Lighter frowns, and says, “Well, I don’t see why not try ‘n’ learn.  It’s good ta learn lots o’ skills.  Whaddaya say, son?”</p><p>“Um… I dunno,” Claus replies uncertainly.  “Maybe.  I dunno.  I pro’ly wouldn’t be any help at all…”</p><p>“Hey, you’re a good, hardworkin’ kid.  I know ya could do well if you were willin’ ta put the effort in.  I bet you’d pro’ly learn real well from yer dad, too.  He’d help ya out, wouldn’t ya, Flint?”</p><p>Flint nods, and speaks in a tone that attempts to reassure his son.  “O’ course.  I just didn’t know if he… would wanna do it.  But if he wants ta, by all means, I’d– I- I would love ta teach ya, kiddo.”  He provides a smile in hopes of helping calm Claus down, but it’s ineffective.</p><p>“I’d just get in the way,” Claus mumbles.  “I know you don’t want me t–”</p><p>“No, no, no– I- I do,” Flint insists desperately.</p><p>Fuel, who was so silent during all of this, finally says something, too, though it’s clear it’s out of pure discomfort.  They all want to redirect this conversation away from this.  <em>If Flint hadn’t opened his stupid mouth… stupid, stupid…</em>  “Claus, maybe you ‘n’ me could work together.  I could teach ya some stuff too!  I ain’t workin’ for my dad, but I know a whole lot about buildin’.”</p><p>Lighter nods.  “Yeah, that’s a good idea.  It won’t be so high stakes as buildin’ a house if you boys built somethin’ like a… a treehouse, or somethin’.  O’ course, that’s just if you wanna, but I think that’d be fun.”</p><p>Claus shrugs limply, obvious unhappy with whatever they’ll try to do to make him feel better.  “I dunno… I’m sorry, I’m ruinin’ everythin’ again–”</p><p>Flint suddenly pushes his chair away from the table, catching everyone’s attention and stopping Claus from finishing his thought.  He stands.  “I… I need a second ta git some air.  It- It’s hot in here.”</p><p>“Flint–” comes Lighter’s call, but it goes unheeded as Flint darts for the door, outside in an instant.</p><p><em>Calm down</em>… <em>he needs to calm down</em>– not just for his own sake, but for Claus’ too.  He can’t do anything to help Claus when he’s <em>like this</em>, not that he ever seems to be any help, and so he starts to walk and walk, trying to catch his breath in the mean time.  He leans a hand against a tree and wipes his forehead of the sweat beads forming.  And for a time he just stands there, breathing heavily in the dusk, facing away from that nightmare behind him.</p><p>He shouldn’t have left Claus there, but he had to get out.  Had to.  All he was doing was making everything worse and worse and <em>worse and worse and worse</em>– like usual.  He’s not good at comforting his kids anymore.  He used to be so good at it… but somehow none of the right words or actions ever come to him now.  Fuck, Lighter and Fuel are probably doing a better job of trying to comfort Claus right now than he ever could.</p><p>What a waste.  What a<em> waste</em>.</p><p>They’re going to come and call him back in soon enough, he just knows it, and somehow, that makes his skin crawl more than crawling back in himself.  If he’s a coward, then at least he’ll act like one on his own terms.  But his mind is racing still, running through every thing he just did and fucked up and what he could have and should have and would have done if he’d just thought instead of panicking–</p><p>
  <em>People were right when they said he was impulsive, but not in the way they all thought.</em>
</p><p>Flint holds back a sob that wants to bubble up into his throat, his face briefly twisting in despair before he pushes it back.  An impulse washes over him and Flint slams his fist against the tree.  His knuckles scratch and bleed in small cuts as he hisses, rubbing the sore knuckles with his other hand.  He squeezes his eyes shut, teeth gritted, before relaxing and opening his eyes.  Back in there… he needs to get back in there.</p><p>
  <em>Calm down.</em>
</p><p>Flint sharply turns back around to stare down the house; he can’t see anything from where he stands, and his stomach does turns in imagining what he’ll see.. how long has he been standing here, anyhow?  How long did he abandon Claus in there and embarrass himself in front of Lighter and Fuel?  He braces himself– he can’t just hide out here forever.  Flint steps back in without looking in the window, his eyes focused straight ahead.  He pushes the door open–</p><p>Lighter, Fuel, and Claus remain seated at the table, but both father and son have moved their chairs closer to Claus, Lighter’s hand placed comfortingly on Claus’ shoulder.  All three’s eyes snap towards Flint the moment he walked in– Claus’ eye is red and puffy from crying he must have been unable to hold back once he’d left and Flint’s heart feels as if it snaps entirely in two, aching and miserable.  They all stare at him as if some secret was shared and understood between the three of them– he knows that stare well.  He sees it all the time between Claus and Lucas.</p><p>Flint’s mouth opens and closes a handful of time as he’s trying to think of something to say, something to do.  “Claus,” is his slow start, “I think we should leave.”</p><p>Claus gives him a gloomy nod, and stands, Lighter and Fuel following suit to stand as well.  There’s an expression on Lighter’s face that Flint can’t place the emotion of, but whatever it is, it isn’t good, <em>obviously</em>.  Claus keeps his eye trained on the ground as he moves to stand by Flint, who cautiously reaches out to wrap his arm around Claus, pressing a kiss to his temple as he rubs the ginger’s arm soothingly.</p><p>“<em>I’m sorry</em>,” he murmurs in a hardly audible voice.</p><p>No response comes from his son but a quiet sigh, and he nudges Flint’s arm away and steps out first.  Flint can barely bring himself to look at Lighter, but he somehow manages to do so, offering an equally soft “Thanks,” receiving only a nod of acknowledgement from Lighter and Fuel before Flint is out of the door too.</p><p>Claus is gone by the time Flint is even on the porch, not waiting for a second.  Who could blame him, Flint being such an unbearable presence in anyone’s life.  He’s not sure where Claus is heading, if it’s home or if he needs a walk to calm himself down, but Flint sure isn’t coming home immediately.  He doesn’t want to run the risk of running into Claus or Lucas, but– damn it, he doesn’t want abandon Claus <em>again</em>, but he’s so sure there’s nothing he could possibly offer in this moment.  He’ll cry to Lucas, the two brothers will deal with it themselves, and he’ll become even more of a nuisance in their life than ever.</p><p>
  <em>This is why Flint didn’t want Claus to ever come along with him.  Look what happens.</em>
</p><p>He stays out again, far too late, drifting from place to place until he knows he has to go home.  It has to be late enough for the boys to have gone to sleep.  When he finds himself back at home, Claus and Lucas are asleep on top of each other with Boney at the foot of the bed.  Somehow, despite his exhaustion, he doesn’t even want to get in bed, so he ends up taking a seat at the table.  Boney gets off of the bed to join Flint at the table, resting beside him on the floor.  Eventually, Flint falls asleep there, and when he wakes up, one of the twins had put a blanket over him, but both are gone.  It’s a touching gesture… one that makes him hope that he hasn’t completely and utterly screwed everything up with them.</p><p> </p><p>There’s a period of a few days where Flint doesn’t go to see Lighter.  He knows they have work to do, but he figures that his friend probably doesn’t want him anymore… that is, until Lighter pops by his house one day.  His face is serious– is he angry with him…?  Flint can’t think of a thing to say to his friend, so Lighter speaks up first.</p><p>“We have a job to do.  You’re my employee, so I expect ya ta show up to the fuckin’ job, man.  You skippin’ out on me?”</p><p>Flint shakes his head.  “I- I didn’t think you wanted me t’ keep workin’ aft–”</p><p>“I didn’t say you was fired, did I?  No, sir.  C’mon.  We gotta make up fer lost time.”</p><p>Lighter turns away without giving Flint any room for argument, and frankly, he’s not interested in arguing to begin with.  He sighs and follows his friend along.  He really didn’t think Lighter would want him to keep working, all things considered.  Frankly, he’d have been happy to avoid working forever just to ensure that he doesn’t need to talk to Lighter about what happened.  Lighter is always the type to speak his mind, and there’s no way he wouldn’t bring it up, especially when Flint embarrassed himself and his son so badly.</p><p>…but it never comes up.  Flint can tell it’s weighing on his friend’s mind– and why not?  That was bad, what happened.  Every time Lighter looks at him, there’s clearly something he wants to say, but doesn’t.  For the first time for as long as Flint has known Lighter, his friend suddenly has nothing to say about what’s going on.  And it’s both a relief and miserable; he can’t help but feel like Lighter doesn’t want to say anything because he’s tired of Flint.  They talk far less during work, spend less time together outside of it.</p><p>The work goes faster and they go home earlier, but that isn’t what Flint wants.  He hasn’t talked to his boys about anything that’s happened either– and he knows he has to, but he doesn’t.  Claus won’t even make eye contact with him anymore.  There’s hardly an acknowledgement that Flint lives there at all– he continues to be pushed out and displaced by his own failures.  He’s a <em>failure</em>, that’s what he is, and he knows it.  And it hurts him more and more each day.</p><p>There’s one day where Flint goes off and acquires a package of steaks, offering them to Lighter at the end of their work day.  “I- I thought I could come ‘n’ cook these for you ‘n’ Fuel,” he explains.  <em>Just an easy way for him to get out of going home</em>.</p><p>Lighter seems reluctant to accept, but he does, and it’s a great excuse to avoid dealing with the elephant in the room at home.  Even when he can sense Lighter and Fuel don’t want him there, it’s easier than feeling how unwanted he is at home.  This is more palatable to him, easier to chew.  He knows he’s not wanted.  But he can’t help it.</p><p>He can’t face what he knows is there.</p><p>Until.</p><p>“Flint.”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“I think you need to go home.”</p><p>Flint’s head begins to tilt slowly in confusion, a small, discomforted smile forming on his face, and slowly shakes his head.  “I- I don’t understand.  You don’t want me here?”</p><p>Lighter is hardly even looking at Flint.  He’s just staring ahead, working at cleaning the dishes from their dinner.  “You need to go home to your sons, Flint.”</p><p>“Th- They’re okay without me–”</p><p>“<em>Go home</em>, Flint.  You can’t just hide here and avoid ‘em forever.”</p><p>That expression on Lighter’s face is dead serious, and Flint swallows hard, finding difficulty in making eye contact with his best friend.  A lump forms in his throat and he taps the surface of the table uncertainly, trying to keep his breathing even.  After he doesn’t respond, dead quiet and with no clue of what to say, Lighter speaks up again.</p><p>“Flint.  I know it’s been hard for you, but those boys<em> need </em>you.  I don’t want to help you avoid them.  You can’t just hang out here all day in hopes o’ not dealin’ with them.  Claus told me…” Lighter’s voice trails off and Flint’s head snaps towards the direction of his friend, looking questioningly to gain some understanding.  Claus… told him what?  Lighter then shakes his head.  “It don’t matter.  I think you know what the problem is, don’t you?”</p><p>Flint’s mouth is open, and he falters in answering, trying to clear his head and come up with <em>anything</em> to say.  “What did he tell you?”</p><p>Lighter sighs and looks away.  “Flint… you don’t realize how much them kids love you,<em> ‘specially </em>Claus.  Boy, that kid still looks up to ya the same way he did when he was little.  He didn’t say anythin’ bad about you, trust me, he just…”  Sighs.  “I don’t wanna say anythin’ ta hurt you, either, but it was just the way he made excuses for you never bein’ around.  I can tell it really bothers ‘m, but he dudn’t wanna admit it.  Now, I know it probably ain’t my business ta say any o’ this, but it’s really startin’ to bug me.  I’m sorry.  But I think it’s time you get back ta yer family and pay ‘em some real mind.”</p><p>The man places a hand on Flint’s shoulder gently.  “They really love you, Flint.  Lucas too.  I–”</p><p>He’s interrupted by a choked sob from Flint, body trembling as he curls more into himself, face buried in hands.  Lighter’s hand pulls away from his friend’s shoulder suddenly, too.  “They <em>hate</em> me, Lighter, I know they do,” he sobs.  “They don’t want me around.  They don’t.  They’d be just as happy if I was <em>dead</em>–”</p><p>“No!  Flint, no!  They don’t–”</p><p>“<em>Yes, they do!</em>”</p><p>“<b><em>No, they don’t, Flint!</em></b>”  The sharpness and loudness of his voice makes Flint flinch and avert his eyes.  Lighter pinches the bridge of his nose and then takes a breath.  “I’m sorry, but I really dunno where you got that crazy idea that your kids don’t love you ta death.  Claus <em>idolizes</em> you, Flint, for God’s sake.  All he and Lucas want is for you to just… fuckin’ <em>be there</em>.  With them!  You’re their father, ‘n’ you can’t just leave ‘em to take care o’ themselves all the time.  They’re real smart, mature kids, but they still need you.”  Flint holds back a sob weakly, hands landing limply in his lap, wringing together anxiously, eyes blankly on the floor.  “You hear me at all?  Flint?”</p><p>Flint shakes his head, tears rolling down his face.  “I… I can’t do this anymore, Lighter…”</p><p>“Yes, you <em>can.  </em>Man up, why don’t you?  Feelin’ so goddamn sorry for yerself all the fuckin’ time!  It’s- It’s <em>exhaustin’</em>, Flint– and I know you must be more exhausted about it than anybody, but… you need to help yerself an’ <em>accept</em> help when people are offerin’ it.  I can’t help you, but yer boys might be able ta.  Claus is sufferin’ too, don’t you know?  And even if he don’t show it, I bet Lucas is, too.  They need you just as much as you need them, if not more.  So, for <em>God’s sake</em>… go fuckin’ deal with them for once.  I’m beggin’ ya, Flint.  I’m <em>beggin’ </em>ya.”</p><p>Lighter grabs hold of Flint and pulls him up to his feet from his chair.  Flint stumbles but catches himself as he sobs again, whining as he tries to fight it, finding himself unable to stop.  He steadies himself on the table, gripping it tightly till his knuckles turn white.  Lighter stares him down, though Flint can hardly see it through blurring vision.  There’s specks of sympathy in that look, but Lighter’s tolerance has been worn down to nothing.  Flint can’t hide behind it anymore.</p><p>After a few moments, Lighter’s face softens.  “I’m sorry.  I know I’m bein’ harsh.  But please.  You need to leave.  You can’t keep doin’ this.”</p><p>Flint trying to take deep breaths through shallow sobs, choking him, impossible to properly collect himself, but he’s heard Lighter loud and clear.  Wiping the tears from his face as they continue to fall, he reaches the door and is gone without any words.  He can feel Lighter staring at him from behind, standing in the doorway as he watches Flint escape into the woods again like the coward he is.  All the instinct left in this fragile moment is to get away from everything, hide until he’s forced to accept what’s wrong with him and go home.  That’s all he ever does.  Suffer, accept, suffer, accept.</p><p>That’s all his life is.</p><p>All it will ever be.</p><p>And in the back of his mind he remembers that he needs to go back to his family… they need him.  They could help him.  Lighter knows it, and Flint does too.</p><p>But they also both know he won’t.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>